


Neil Josten Can Never Die

by Kuroneko



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: I mean first time writing andreil, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, also it's probably terribly out of character, but not actually death you know the drill, honestly Im just terrified to post this bc its my first time, i guess, usual AFTG tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroneko/pseuds/Kuroneko
Summary: After their match and the riot breaking out, Andrew realizes Neil is nowhere to be found...





	Neil Josten Can Never Die

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first time writing andreil fic and my first time posting it so I'm scared, but honestly, I really could not fight off the urge to write this one because this might be my most favourite part of the whole series. Ever since I've read the book I could never shrug off the thought of 'I wonder how Andrew acted and felt that time'.  
> It's probably not even close, but it's out, so an urge is off of my list lol
> 
> If you picked this up and read it, thank you so much!  
> If you even left kudos or commented, thank you even more!
> 
> If there is anything I can do (like adding a tag or warning or anything) then please feel free to tell me!  
> I know it's not that great, and my grammar might be off (I'm not a native speaker), but I'm awfully terrified here, so please be easy on me haha

The riot caught Andrew by surprise, but he reacted quickly enough to grab Kevin’s elbow and haul him forward and look around for Aaron and Nicky, satisfied to see them more or less in one piece, fighting their way through the crowd towards their bus.  
He caught an elbow in the eye and for a moment he saw stars, but he never let go of Kevin and he never stopped until they all were on the bus, breathing rapid and despite their injuries, generally safe.  
The others were swearing and complaining, hissing in pain as Abby immediately got to work to see their injuries, but Andrew wasn’t interested.  
He looked around. He saw Kevin, unharmed and he nodded to himself as if he just checked him on his list of ‘People to keep safe’. Then his eyes wandered to Aaron and Nicky, hurt, but not life-threatening injuries.  
  
His eyes slid through the rest of the Foxes, being fine except for a few black eyes and their general anger.  
Andrew did not care. He furrowed his brows, an error in his calculations.  
One missing Fox.

“Neil.” He let the name escape through his lips as a whisper but every head snapped up hearing him.

Nicky stood, looking around, a glint of worry appearing in his eyes, “Where is Neil?!”

Andrew didn’t want to admit that hollow feeling in his chest and bitter taste on his tongue as he turned his back to the Foxes, contemplating who saw him last, whom he was with the last time they saw him.  
It was useless. They were useless.

His hands trembled as he got off the bus, faintly hearing Wymack calling after him but he ignored it. He needed to find Neil.

He hurried his steps back to the entrance of the stadium, the place of the rampage that was now died down, only a few people lurking around, some of them injured, being treated by the ambulance that arrived meantime.  
Andrew looked around. He would trace Neil even among hundreds of people and he would hear his voice even in deafening noise.  
He stood, watched and listened but he could not find Neil. He could hear Wymack talking to the police, he could hear Abby asking the paramedics, the Foxes asking everyone else.  
He heard Dan, “Have you seen Neil Josten? You know him. A Fox. He is a bit shorter than me, he has blue eyes, auburn hair…”. Andrew shut her voice out, he could not hear Neil this way.

“Neil.” He heard himself saying it, as if Neil would catch on his voice and step in front of him for his call.  
Nothing.

Andrew clenched his jaw as he stepped away from the others to look around some more, going back to the stadium, looking at the bleachers, the locker room, the bathroom. Nothing. He ran around the stadium, he looked everywhere once again. Nothing.  
Except, he stepped on something and when he looked down, he froze.

“Andrew?”

Only then he noticed Renee, probably shadowing him all along.

Andrew didn’t care, didn’t reply. He bended down then straightened and he had to gulp.

“That’s…” It was Nicky now, walking up to them as he saw Andrew finding something, “That’s Neil’s bag…”

“And phone” Andrew added and he was surprised by his voice, hoarse, as if it wasn’t even his.

He ignored Nicky’s whimpering as he started to cry out of panic. Andrew refused to lose control– even though he knew Neil had to be dead if he was willing to let go of his ugly and torn bag and the phone Andrew gave him.  
No, he refused.  
The others joined as well, Matt swearing under his breath when he saw what Andrew was holding. He grimaced as he opened the flip phone, he wanted to hit all of them for assuming the worse.  
Neil Josten was unharmed. Andrew refused to believe otherwise.

Then his blood froze. An unknown number, a countdown, and a ‘0’ for this very day.  
He took in a sharp breath and looked up, looked around, still hoping – him, hoping! What a joke! – Neil would just pop up and say those goddamn words, ‘I’m fine’.  
He wanted to throw away the phone. His hands were trembling from anger and fear, he was overwhelmed by feelings. Feelings! Andrew wanted to get his hands on Neil and strangle him himself.  
He needed a smoke, except, his hands were too unsteady to even hold his lighter.

“Let’s check the hospitals.” Said Abby approaching them, “Maybe he was brought in by one of the paramedics.”

Andrew didn’t say anything but clenched the phone in his hand and turned away, walking to the bus.  
He found himself not knowing what to do and maybe this was an idea that might bring Neil among his arms so he could strangle him. Or kiss him. Whichever.  
It was the only idea that kept hope in him.  
Hope was a foreign concept for Andrew and he decided he hated it. It made him nauseous, it made him lose control and made him uncaring how the others watched him concerned and said encouraging words to him despite worry being perfectly clear on their faces.  
Andrew didn’t care.  
All he cared about was Neil and getting him back among his arms.

Abby called every hospital in the area while Wymack drove. They visited these hospitals one by one, asking around, Andrew running from level to level thinking he could find Neil there.  
Neil would never give them his name, there is no way they could find him by that.  
But Neil was nowhere to be found. He could not see him, hear him anywhere and he felt the panic washing through him more and more whenever they left a hospital.

“You were amazing tonight.” Andrew heard two people, maybe interns.  
They talked about an operation, but that was not what caught his attention.

_Amazing_.  
He heard this word that night. Neil’s voice echoed in his head.  
_Thank you. You were amazing._

That time, Andrew dismissed those words. Neil had a weird expression on but he thought it was all due to winning, thought it was his exy junkie self showing on the surface.  
Andrew dismissed everything that time and now the realization felt like a punch in his stomach.

It was a goodbye.  
Andrew staggered, he had to prop himself against the wall so he wouldn’t fall, his knees suddenly weak, his limbs turning so cold he could not feel them.

Neil knew something was up and he said goodbye in a fucking cryptic way. Andrew lifted his trembling hand to his mouth, fighting off the nausea brought by the realization.  
It was not hard to put one and one together, it was not hard to figure things out with the countdown and Neil’s bitter, resigned expression and disgustingly grateful words.

Neil knew he was going to die tonight.

A weird sound broke through his pursed lips, something he did not believe he made. He felt like he wasn’t himself, as if he was out of his own body, watching himself as this very fact brought horror and panic with itself.

Neil Josten cannot be dead. The rabbit could never die.  
The only way he can die is when Andrew gets his hands on him again and kills him himself.  
Neil Josten can never die. Andrew won’t let that happen.

They left the hospital without words and Andrew could feel everyone’s gazes on him but he refused to return them. He knew Renee was walking next to him, he knew she was ready to prop him up if he faltered, but he refused to acknowledge her.

The night started to catch up with him. His limbs were hurting and his body felt so tired he never would have guessed he could ever be this way.  
How may hours had passed since they started on the road? Since the game? Since Neil…

Andrew looked up for the first time, looked up at the foxes, ignoring their gazes.  
His calculations were wrong once again.  
Only six Foxes were watching him with worried glances, the seventh had been staring at the ground… since when? The seventh had never said a word, the seventh didn’t look surprised.

The seventh wore a guilty expression and his hands were trembling for a bottle of vodka.

Kevin knows something, he felt it in his bones and that moment Andrew knew his control was slipping away.  
He lunged forward, his fingers closing around Kevin’s throat, just pressing and pressing, then he eased his clench as he snarled, “Where is he?”

The background noise was loud, everyone yelling at him, trying to pull him off of Kevin, but he was strong, oh he was strong and he was holding onto his dear life, he was holding onto Neil, the whereabouts of Neil and he would never let go even if they chopped off his arms.

“Where is Neil, you fucking coward?” Andrew squeezed again, “Answer me and don’t you dare to lie, Kevin Day, because God help me, I’m going to break your neck right here and now!” Kevin gasped for air, clawing on Andrew’s arms, “You know where he is! Where is Neil?!”

He was pulled backwards, he felt arms all around him but he didn’t care. He wanted to jump at Kevin again, he wanted to squeeze the life out of him but he was held down and his anger was fuelled even more. He lost control and he did not care to get it under once again.

“Let me go or else I’m going to cut up all of you!”

They didn’t budge despite Andrew doing his best to escape but then Kevin’s hoarse, strangled words and whimpering froze him, “He is dead, he is dead, they are going to kill him –“

Andrew tuned him out. Kevin fell into shock and was repeating the same sentence over and over again, fisting his own hair as some of the others, whom weren’t holding Andrew, went to him to check if he was alright.  
Andrew didn’t care. Andrew couldn’t care. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t move. He just stared ahead, those words echoing in his head and he could not believe it.

“You are lying.”  
Neil Josten can never die.

Kevin started to speak rapidly. He talked about the Moriyamas and the Butcher of Baltimore and Neil and Nathaniel Wesninski, so many things of Neil that Andrew didn’t know and he wanted to kill Neil even more.  
He had been lying to his face while accepting his kisses. He betrayed Andrew.  
Neil Josten can never die because Andrew needs to kill him first.

Wymack’s voice broke the whirlwind of his thoughts. He was on his phone and his shocked tone made him perk up immediately despite the fatigue and unbearable pain – and not just in his body.

“FBI?” Wymack asked and his eyes flickered towards Andrew, meeting his gaze that told him immediately what it was about. Who the call was about, “Neil Josten is my player…” Andrew’s heart skipped a beat, “Thank God… what?... no, we are going to see him… I don’t care!... Yes… yes…”

Andrew zoned out.  
Neil was alive.  
He let out a shaky breath he never realized he was holding until now.

Everything was a blur afterwards. The ride, the show-up of all those agents, he could not remember how he ended up handcuffed to Wymack, his reprimanding words to behave ‘if you want to see Neil’.  
They had no right to tell him that. They had no right to hold him back. He had to see Neil because he needed to kill him or kiss him, he didn’t care anymore, but he needed to have him in his hands.  
He ignored the warnings, he ignored the suits, he ignored the tugging at his wrist.  
Then he stopped, because there was Neil Josten, a mess, utterly broken and anger rose in him once again. And he decided he won’t kill him, but would murder all of those who did this to him.

He swore under his breath as he was kneeling in front of him, as he took in his injuries, as he made sure Neil was still Neil, he swore he won’t ever let anyone do as much as lay a finger on him ever again.  
Because until Andrew himself was alive, Neil Josten can never die, and he was pretty sure he won’t kill him either. Or at least not today.


End file.
